Sunday, March 14, 2004
Defending Champs Get Kiss of Death
First of all, just who are these mythical people called the selection committee and what do they do the other 364 days a year? By the sound of things on ESPN they sit around twisting their greasy mustaches and polishing their pitchforks. A dark cloud fills the room as they plot how to dash the dreams of pep-rallying co-eds everywhere. It’s all a conspiracy to get Coach K and Kentucky in the Final Four. No wonder they remain nameless. Would you want hundreds of Beast Light keg standers from snubbed schools tracking you down at 9 PM on Selection Sunday? You can bet none of the selection committee is going to be showing their mugs in Utah St.
It’s not just the snubs either. We get to hear endless babble about the story lines. Yes, of course, the selection committee had 65 teams to pick from and seed out of all the schools in the country, but they found the time to pit St. Nowhere against Big State U. because the small school’s coach used to be an assistant water boy at the big school.
Well, in the spirit of Selection Sunday, I present to you the biggest conspiracy yet: The dethroning of the defending Champions, the Syracuse Orangemen. First of all, they get the 5 seed. The kiss of death. Everyone who has filled out a bracket and bothered to watch the games unfold realizes that every year 2 or 3 of the 5th seeds get dropped by 12 seeds. It’s a lock. Its gotten to the point where 5th seeds winning is like an upset. Now if Otto the Orange and the boys can beat those odds, they’ll have the pleasure of facing Maryland in the second round. Lately Maryland has been standing on the scorer's table shouting “We are the greatest in all the land! Bring me your finest meats and cheeses.” Sometimes you are the windshield, sometimes you are the orange slurpy splattered all over the windshield. Then again, they could pull that out too. And then they have the pleasure of meeting Afro-man and his Cali-crew. The Cardinal may have a name that makes you want to punch their tree mascot (which I still don’t get), but they have been money all year long.
So unless Warrick can channel Melo this year, the Cuse will have a short dance. But that’s ok. After winning the Melo lottery last year and running the table, The Orange have a lifetime supply of slurpies to chill with. No matter what those evil selection committee fiends can conjure up. On to the West region! Oh, excuse me, the Phoenix Region. Where’s that Stanford tree when you need him?
It’s not just the snubs either. We get to hear endless babble about the story lines. Yes, of course, the selection committee had 65 teams to pick from and seed out of all the schools in the country, but they found the time to pit St. Nowhere against Big State U. because the small school’s coach used to be an assistant water boy at the big school.
Well, in the spirit of Selection Sunday, I present to you the biggest conspiracy yet: The dethroning of the defending Champions, the Syracuse Orangemen. First of all, they get the 5 seed. The kiss of death. Everyone who has filled out a bracket and bothered to watch the games unfold realizes that every year 2 or 3 of the 5th seeds get dropped by 12 seeds. It’s a lock. Its gotten to the point where 5th seeds winning is like an upset. Now if Otto the Orange and the boys can beat those odds, they’ll have the pleasure of facing Maryland in the second round. Lately Maryland has been standing on the scorer's table shouting “We are the greatest in all the land! Bring me your finest meats and cheeses.” Sometimes you are the windshield, sometimes you are the orange slurpy splattered all over the windshield. Then again, they could pull that out too. And then they have the pleasure of meeting Afro-man and his Cali-crew. The Cardinal may have a name that makes you want to punch their tree mascot (which I still don’t get), but they have been money all year long.
So unless Warrick can channel Melo this year, the Cuse will have a short dance. But that’s ok. After winning the Melo lottery last year and running the table, The Orange have a lifetime supply of slurpies to chill with. No matter what those evil selection committee fiends can conjure up. On to the West region! Oh, excuse me, the Phoenix Region. Where’s that Stanford tree when you need him?
